WTH Have You Been?
I know....I know...It's been way too long since I've posted anything to this blog. Ugh...I am ashamed to even call it a blog. Let's be honest. It is more like a storage unit at this point really...And not one of those nice storage units that people get for their antiques either....You know the ones...They even have a TV show where people get into bidding wars over the contents of them...Yeah that is not this place...No, no...This place is more like the storage unit that just throws your shit out on the street, and the homeless people come by, rummage through and pick what they want like it's an all-you-can-eat buffet...
Nevertheless, here I am. During an election year too. I am not going to talk about politics though, because at this point, who cares? We will once again get to choose the lesser of 2 evils, both of whom are completely full of shit. The reality is that anyone who would make a great president is smart enough to never be president. Why would they? So the world can find out that they screwed some hooker in 1972 at a Motel 6 while his wife was at home sobbing about the lump she found in her breast. Of course they completely leave out the fact that he and his wife were swingers, he had to use the Motel 6 points before he lost them and the lump in his wife's breast was malignant. The media of today, and I mean all media outlets...whether it be news, primetime tv, Jersey Shore, American Idol...Whatever...It's all bullshit.
It's like this whole world is in the business of bullshit. And boy we buy it don't we? We have to know who crashes and burns on American Idol. We have to know what Fox News says about CNN saying what it said about Fox News...and vice versa of course. We have to know how Snookie and The Situation are getting along at the shorehouse...Why? Because every commercial, every advertisement subconciously makes you interested in those things through the use of tactical bullshit placement. Let me explain what I mean...
Ever watch a trailer for a new movie? Wait why am I asking that? Of course you have...Hell you can't even skip them on most DVDs now. Anyway, ever watched the trailer for a movie and thought "I have to see this movie!...That movie looks like it's going to be amazing!" So you wait the 18 months or so it takes for the movie to come out and you buy your $20 ticket. You get your popcorn and sit through another 30 minutes of trailers and Coke or Pepsi advertisements, depending on where you are. In the south we get Coke. Finally, the lights dim and the movie starts...Well the advertisements for the 18 companies that helped the movie get to the theatres starts anyway. Then you watch the film. You come out after, if you made it through the entire thing, and you immediately realize 2 things. The first thing you realize is that movie sucked and you really want your $50 back.....$20 for the ticket and $30 for the popcorn and soda the screwed you for once you entered the gate.....But almost immediately after all that you also realize the movie was not even about what you thought it was going to be about. Hell they go so far sometimes as to portray the film as a shoot-em-up action film with a shot of comedy thrown in and it turns out it's a ridiculously sad chick flick and the overly handsome main character dies at the end.
Oh and while we are on the subject of films Hollywood, just stop it with the shitty sequels. Just because everything George Lucas touches turns to gold does not mean I need to take my kids to 15 Shrek movies, 7 movies about Cars, and all of them are showing the trailer for Toy Story 25. We get it Disney/Pixar....You are good at animation. One movie every couple years is perfectly capable of keep that title in tact...
Back to my original point...It's bullshit...They knew exactly how to draw the biggest number of viewers to their shitty film. Don't beat yourself up about it, thousands of other people fell for it that Friday night too. It's not just movie previews, it is everywhere you look. Every advertisement is "Drive this car or people are going to think you suck..." Use this toothpaste or your teeth will look like a hillbilly with a meth problem"..."Wear these shoes because some basketball player with more talent in his pinky than you will ever have in your body wears them and swears they help him hit his fade-away jumper...Oh and ladies..."Buy this $100 bra because we are going to help you lie to the men in your life...Yeah no doctor on earth could make boobs that nice. We as men know this and we fall for it every time. We know deep down we will probably end up asking you to put the bra back on but we still fall for it.
Why do we fall for it? Because as humans we want to believe. We inheritantly want to be led. We want....We need for someone to tell us what's wrong and what they are going to do to fix it...Or what we should do to fix it. We crave it. The thing we all have to learn to do is to recognize and separate leadership from bullshit. It's difficult these days. Tony Robbins types are everywhere...With their freakishly large hands, bad hairpieces and big teeth..And they all have the keys to the greatest life you've ever dreamed of. But ask yourself this...If you could have the greatest life you have ever dreamed of...If you have somehow managed to corner the market on that secret...Would it at any point involve sitting in a auditorium with a bunch of losers in different cities around the world explaining to them your discoveries? Yeah...I didn't think so.
The problem is people want the fast track to everything. And by people I mean me and you. I would love to wake up skinny, rich, and retired tomorrow but it's probably not going to happen. However, I can wake up a little bit skinnier, a little bit richer, and a little bit closer to retiring. THAT I can do...and that's no bullshit.
On a personal note I have lost 60 pounds in the last 6 months. That is alot of weight. I have lost 60 pounds and I'm still fat...That's how you know you are out of control. When you tell people "Yeah, I've lost 60 pounds.." and then you get this look of bewilderment...And you know what they are thinking..."Jesus, how fat were you before..." I did not even realize I was so big until I look at me now and then see old pictures of me then...Then I feel dumb because I'm making jokes about the fat guy on the left before realizing it's me...
I have a little more time on my hands now so I hope I can keep this "blog" updated with posts. I hope you guys subscribe and read. If you guys keep reading I'll keep writing. Until next time...
